Bubbles as barriers
Each of us has a personal communication style in the way we interact with the outside world. We also filter what we hear ourselves saying and what others say to us. This push and pull of langauage and meaning, exchange of ideas, desires and demands takes place through a semi permeable membrane where personality, upbringing, beliefs, values and personal preferences create a complex interchange.
The effect of this is that we live in bubbles of communication of different shades. When we come across someone in a bubble of the same or similar colour we tend to understand not just what they say to us but all the non verbal communication that takes place, the emotional, group and task inferences that make what someone says have meaning aligned to what they want us to understand.
When we interact with someone in a different shade of bubble the messages contained in our communication exchange get confused, there is mis understanding, distrust, a sense of threat, non appreciation a lack of mutual respect.
I find that the key to a more harmonious and productive exchange is deeper, harder listening, in combination with a more open learning and non judgemental mindset. This is hard, really hard and even professional listeners those who seek to counsell on change based on true hearing can struggle. Sitting in a room with people who are talking but not hearing, hearing but not understanding, socialising but on their own smacks at futility that none of us can afford and demeans the highly developed species we claim to be.
Listen to political debate, a sales negotiation, an exchange between life partners, a parent talking with a child. Try and listen to yourself.
Then look to burst the bubble. The difference in outcome is amazing.
